5 good things about Satan

DBc By DBc, 22nd Jan 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Celebrities>Personalities

Satan, the devil, has gotten bad press for centuries. But there are at least 5 good things that can be said of this evil old guy.

1. The Devil has no gripes with sex

Yes, it's a fact. the Devil has no written law or doctrine lying around the place that declares sex a sinful act. In fact the opposite can be said of the big D. You can desire your neighbor's wife or husband if you like. Satan has no problem with that.
If you are a man with a weakness for stockings and pumps as opposed to Football shorts and cleats that too, is ok.
But let's face it. Is it really realistic expecting normal adults to wait until after marriage before indulging in a good round of filthy sexual pleasures? Of course it isn't.

2. Purgatory: The Devil doesn't demand Fire-Cleansing

Purgatory. It's that P-word that has sent chills up the spines of millions of christians throughout time. And it's a requirement of God of all christians who have sinned before being allowed to set a single toe through Heaven's gates.
Purgatory is fire and pain. The time most humans spend there is said to be somewhere between 1 and two thousand years. Not seconds, which would be more than enough for most, it's years we're dealing with here. Up to 2,000 of them.
That means that God must reconstruct the human body to allow for burning over the course of up to 2,000 years. Also, pain-awareness must also be heightened, so that the victim does not become used to the pain after a time. A thousand years, after all, is a very long time.
No one's ever said just how a soul is tortured in hell, but, for those of you who hate giggling you could be in danger of getting your feet tickled with a feather for a long, long time. The devil is often depicted with a devilish grin on his face which suggests a sense of humor and fun!

3. You never have to thank the Devil

The Devil is not an ego-maniac. He does not expect you to pray to him alone. He is legion and has at least two faces. You neither must bow to him nor must you fall to your knees and pay homage at all times. Like god the Devil is jealous but unlike god he is extremely deceitful so that this not-so-positive aspect of jealousy could very well go unnoticed.

4. The Devil has no problem with food and drink

Cordon Bleu, Steak, prepared sous-vide and hand cut chips, Filet Wellington or Peking Duck and much, much more and as much from each as you like. The Devil has no problem with eating. He also has no problem with overeating. He, as opposed to other institutions is quite democratic in that as well as in many other aspects. Your drink? What'll it be? Beer, wine with the big-D everything is fine. No stuffy nagging about your having one to many will ever come out of his mouth.

5. The Devil has no problem with work on sunday

The spanish league Barcelona & Real Madrid Germany's Bayern-Muenchen, England's Arsenal & Manchester City, the NFL's Broncos and Seahawks would all be jobless if this commandment were to be obeyed by the various sport leagues throughout the world.
This is also a point where the tolerance of the Devil shines.
A Sunday without sports.
What a hellish idea.

Tags

Fun, Humor, Purgatory, Satan, Sin

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Comments

author avatar Phyl Campbell
1st Feb 2014 (#)

Quite an interesting post. I'm sure you'll raise quite a few eyebrows if you can even get people (like me) interested enough to click on the link.
You certainly aren't the first to have "sympathy for the devil" -- and I'm not even sure that's what this is -- but I like the tone of your piece -- altogether reasonable and positive in a way that I can't tell if this piece is utmost from your heart or sly two-faced hyperbole of a sort. I would imagine that is for the reader to determine -- that it could go either way. And I rather like that.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
1st Feb 2014 (#)

Well the Devil resides in us so what you choose is the way you want to be and the One Above makes makes a choice when your soul returns after its learning on Earth.
In today's day and age there the calendar of Sabbath is overruled with the demand of people wanting 24/7 service. It is also seen that all the others are very much existent in the world so guess the whole world must be Devil worshipers using the name of god to call out for help.
While I neither sympathise nor empathise with Bloody Idiot Satan, he most certainly will be running around giving the people the Chosen Ones that is their diseases, the pain and the suffering prior to death because of all that they have practiced in their lifetime.
Good luck with AIDS/STD, Cancers etc., impoliteness, disrespect, murders and materialism which is the anthem of today's world.
Promiscuity is part of searching for love either by having slappers, or male whores, multiple marriages/divorces etc. so guess it is okay to say we live in the Devil's world and the few ones who believe in the Heavens Above get ridiculed, chastised and killed for being different in their outlook to life.
Its today's world. You seem to be the voice of today's life.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
2nd Feb 2014 (#)

Tongue in cheek and humorous One of my friends is a devout follower of his faith. He confided to me that he used to wonder - is it worth taking all the "trouble" to make it to heaven where the funny people will be absent? And regarding time at purgatory, Einstein's simple elucidation of theory of relativity comes to mind - if you spend two hours speaking with a beautiful woman, you feel, at the end of the two hours that you've spent only two minutes with her; while if you spend two minutes sitting on hot tin, you feel you've spent two days! siva

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